


Both Sides Now

by PandoraAnne



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-18 05:42:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14206347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PandoraAnne/pseuds/PandoraAnne
Summary: Some things were set in stone, unchanging and forever. Chief among those, Clarke Griffin and Bellamy Blake hated each other. End of discussion. Period. Definitely not changing just because Clarke is stuck moving in with him and his two roommates.Right?The 100 modern-verse AU





	Both Sides Now

**Author's Note:**

> My very first 100 modern-verse AU, it's a work in progress so please be kind or you'll scare the muse away.

Clarke fit her key into the lock of her best friend’s door, her hand shaking so badly that she missed the lock on her first few attempts.  
Once the key slid home she wiped her eyes hastily, trying to stop the steady stream of tears that were slipping down her cheeks. The tears just wouldn’t stop so, taking a deep, shuddering breath, she turned the key and pushed the door open.  
The entryway was empty as she toed her shoes off but the sound of nonsense pop music was coming from the kitchen

The next moment Octavia Blake came sliding into the hallway, long brown hair swinging and a wide grin on her face.  
“Clarke’s here!” She shouted back into the kitchen, her smile faltering as she took in the look on Clarke’s face.   
She crossed the space between them in a couple long steps and gathered Clarke into a tight hug.  
“Oh, sweetie, what’s wrong?” Octavia asked, her voice low and soothing.  
Clarke hugged her friend back, swallowing hard as she tried to push past the lump in her throat. She knew she must look absolutely miserable, Octavia’s pet names were the proverbial big guns, she only brought them out in the direst of situations. The last time Octavia had called her sweetie had been when Clarke had broken up with her girlfriend Lexa. 

Wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand, Clarke stepped back, offering Octavia a weak smile.  
“I’m way too sober to have that conversation right now,” She grabbed the huge bottle of vodka from her purse and held it up, “Shots?”  
“I could do some shots,” Raven called from the kitchen and Clarke nodded, stepping around Octavia, doing her best not to notice the naked concern in those startling green eyes.

Raven slid from her stool at the counter, wincing as she readjusted her weight on her bad leg, the brace and pain a lasting reminder of an accident a few years before.  
She gave Clarke a firm one-armed hug and pulling back, inspected her face. No doubt taking in the tear tracks on her cheeks and the dark circles under her eyes.  
“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked, her fist curling instinctively into a fist, already ready to fight whatever unknown force was hurting her friend.  
“Not yet,” Clarke answered, shaking her head, “First I need . . .”  
“Shots,” Octavia finished, putting three shot glasses on the counter in front of them, her hand already reaching towards the bottle.  
Clarke handed it over, a small, genuine smile breaking to the surface.

Octavia poured them all healthy doses and, clinking their glasses together, the three girls tossed them back. Clarke winced at the sudden sharp taste but Octavia was already pouring out another round.  
“I brought a ton of cupcakes,” she was saying, nodding towards the pretty pink cardboard boxes piled up near the sink, “A customer decided last minute that they absolutely had to have only red velvet cupcakes for their wedding so I got to take home the rejects.”  
“Cheers to that,” Raven answered, fingers closing around her shot glass. Clarke swallowed her drink and grabbed the closest box, seeing her mother’s face in front of her once more, etched with pain and guilt as she pleaded with Clarke to listen, Clarke shook it off, peeling back the paper of a beautifully decorated cupcake and taking a huge bite.

“So did you guys order yet?” She asked, not quite ready to see the distress on her friends faces and focused instead of the tiny sugar flowers dotting the cupcakes in front of her.  
“Raven did,” Octavia offered, going to the cupboard and beginning to pull out plates, “Mexican, we got your usual.”  
“Octavia picked up a few bottles of wine,” Raven said, taking her seat once again, “Rosé,” she added, her voice dripping with disdain.  
Octavia stopped what she was doing, propping her fist on her hip, a look of deep concentration settling over her face.  
“Remind me again who it was that drank an entire bottle of rosé at my brother’s birthday party and then tried to convince everyone to go streaking at 2 am in the middle of December?”  
Raven grinned, somehow looking both sheepish and proud, no doubt remembering how, immediately after suggesting this; she had tried to pull her sweater over her head, gotten stuck, and after a few minutes of struggling, announced, very clearly and emphatically, despite the wool covering her mouth that they should play Twister instead.  
“Okay, that wasn’t totally my fault, Bellamy kept giving me those patented Blake whiskey gingers in between the glasses of wine.”  
“Still,” Octavia crossed her arms, a smile breaking through her look of disapproval, “You’re not allowed to judge my choice of wine.”

A sliver of warmth snaked through Clarke’s veins, chasing the alcohol, and cutting through the fog of miserable thoughts that surrounded her. She hadn’t even remembered that she had plans with the girls until she was halfway to Raven’s, all she had known was that she had to get away, that she couldn’t sit there while her mother tore her whole world apart. What was she supposed to do now? How could she live the rest of her life knowing what she knew? How could she ever look her mother in the eye again?  
Despair flooded through her, thick and choking, and she felt like she was a kid again, dressed in black and eyes raw from crying, knowing that she would never see her father again.

Clarke grabbed the bottle and poured the three of them another round without waiting for permission.  
“Can I stay here tonight?” She asked Raven as she poured, “I don’t want to go back home tonight.”  
“Yeah, sure,” Raven replied, her voice almost normal, “Is it . . . Is something going on between you and your mom?”  
Clarke drank her shot, barely wincing now as the alcohol hit her throat.  
“Yup,” she said shortly, popping the p loudly.  
“I’ll stay too,” Octavia offered, standing so close to Clarke that she thought the taller girl might pull her into another hug. Something that, for some reason, Clarke didn’t think she would be able to handle without bursting into tears. As it was, she had to wipe a few errant tears away as Octavia continued, “I was gonna stay at Lincoln’s tonight but screw that. No way you guys are having a sleepover without me.”  
“Yeah,” Clarke felt Raven’s eyes finally leave her face as she spoke, “I’ve got a bunch of extra blankets and pillows, we can build a fort in the living room, pretend like we’re six years old.”  
“Except with booze,” Clarke added and Raven laughed.  
“Yeah, that’s a pretty important difference.”

The buzzer rang at that moment and before Clarke could fully react, Octavia had spun around and headed for the door.  
“I got it,” she called rather unnecessarily over her shoulder.  
There were a few moments of silence and Clarke, feeling Raven’s eyes on her, unwrapped another cupcake. She wasn’t even that hungry, it felt like a massive dark hole had erupted in her stomach, she just needed to keep her hands busy. She could handle any emergency that fell into her lap at the hospital because she always had something to do, a clear-cut set of directions and rules to follow.

But her personal life was another story, somehow broken hearts were so much messier and harder to fix than an actual heart attack. Not that she didn’t try though. When she had first met Raven, the other girl had shown up on her doorstep, explaining in no uncertain terms that her wonderful boyfriend Finn was actually their two-timing boyfriend. They had both broken up with him and Clarke had taught herself to knit in an effort to distract herself. Eventually making Raven an apology sweater as well as a matching hat, mitten and scarf set for Octavia and an assortment of hats, scarves and blankets for her other friends.  
Her next breakup she had gotten really into pottery and forced some truly terrible pots and bowls on her friends until they had finally convinced her that pottery might not be for her.  
Now she felt the itching in her fingertips that called for action, and she did her best to stomp down the urge to figure out a new way to create the pain away.

“I know this is a stupid question,” Raven said, seemingly from miles away, “But are you okay Clarke?”  
Clarke pressed her lips into a tight line, trying to stop the sob that was scratching at her throat but she could feel the hot prickle of angry tears as she shook her head.  
Raven pushed her stool back and threw an arm over her friend’s shoulders, pulling her tightly into her side.  
“How bad is it?” She asked softly, her breath warm on Clarke’s cheek.  
“On a scale of one to ten?” Clarke asked. When Raven nodded, she sent her thoughts back to past heartaches and pain, trying to find something that help her gauge her current situation.  
“Really fucking bad,” she answered finally, unable to come up with anything that could measure up to the betrayal, anger, hopelessness and loss that she felt now.  
A rustle of paper bags signaled Octavia’s return and the next moment she had grabbed hold of both Clarke and Raven.  
“God, not a group hug,” Raven groaned in Clarke’s ear but she didn’t make any move to shake them off and Clarke was grateful. At that moment she wanted nothing more than to be slightly crushed by her two best friends.  
Soon though the smell of hot Mexican food filled the air and someone’s stomach growled. Squished as they were, it was hard to tell who’s exactly but the girls disentangled, Clarke wiping at her once again damp cheeks.

The girls all moved off in different directions, knowing from countless other girls nights what to do next. Raven went to the cupboard, pulling out plates and utensils and handing Octavia a roll of paper towels as she carried the food into the living room. Clarke grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge, stuffed the bottle opener in her sweater pocket and juggled the wine glasses Raven had pulled out in one hand.  
Clarke’s despair lifted slightly as she went through the well known and well loved routine. She knew what to do here, Friday girls night had been going on, in some form or another since Octavia and Clarke had met back in the third grade. They all knew that no matter how messy or painful life was, they had this safe, sacred space to talk or cry or just binge watch Netflix.  
Clarke had basically moved into Octavia’s apartment after her mother had died, within hours of getting the call that Aurora was gone, Clarke’s dad had dropped both her and a truckload of groceries at the Blake’s front door.  
When Raven had scored the highly coveted spot in the aerospace engineering program at the prestigious Ark University all three of them had celebrated for an entire weekend.  
This was their family, their ‘crew’ as Octavia liked to say and even if the world was falling to pieces around them as long as they had each other, they would it through.  
This thought helped push Clarke above the choking despair long enough to make it through dinner and the first few glasses of wine. She listened to the girls chatting about their weeks, complaining about annoying coworkers or recapping their favorite shows. She even laughed along with Octavia when Raven told them about how she had put the hurt down on some sexist client who had been dumb enough to tell her that women made terrible engineers.

They had cleared off their plates and brought out the second bottle of wine when Clarke started to feel the words scratching at her throat. She could see the less and less inconspicuous looks Octavia and Raven kept sharing and she didn’t want to be the only one who knew what she knew.  
“So, um . . .” She started, her voice breaking and she paused, clearing her throat.  
“It’s my dad, or, actually, my mom,” Clarke paused, taking another sip of wine. She could tell them, they would understand, Octavia had barely left Clarke’s side after her father had died, and Raven, despite never having met Jake Griffin, was still the first person who offered to drive Clarke to the cemetery on the anniversary of his death.  
“She, uh,” She began again, “She’s the reason my dad died.”

The words spilled out of her like some dark terrible poison that she had been forced to swallow, everything she had suspected, everything her mother had told her, it all came pouring out while her friends took it all in, every single horrible word. When she finally finished speaking, Clarke’s voice was rough and she was holding her empty wine glass so tightly she was sure it was going to snap.  
Silence filled the air as the girls digested the news, their faces frozen in remarkably similar expressions. Raven snapped out of it first though, giving herself a hard shake.  
“Okay, here’s what we’re going to do,” she said, prying the glass out of Clarke’s grip and emptying the rest of the bottle into it before handing it back.  
“You’re staying here tonight, and tomorrow and however many days it takes to find yourself a new place to live.”  
“What about my plan?” Clarke burst out, unable to help herself. She had come up with ‘The Plan’ the day she graduated middle school and followed it religiously ever since.   
When other girls had been busy planning their weddings to movie stars Clarke had chosen her college and med school. She had even decided not to move out before she landed an attending position because, as she said: “It doesn’t make sense to invest all that money on my own place when everything is still so up in the air. Once I become an attending I’ll have the stability and the resources to live by myself properly.” And she was still at least a year away from jumping through that final hoop.

“Screw the plan,” Octavia shot back, “Life is messy, you can’t force it to fit into a plan you made when you were a kid.”  
“Yes,” Raven agreed, pointing firmly at Octavia, “This is way beyond your precious plan”  
Clarke opened her mouth to argue but found she didn’t want to. She couldn’t go back to her mom’s, couldn’t keep looking her in the eye every day knowing what she knew.  
“Okay,” Raven continued, knowing her friend well enough to jump on her silence now, before she had a chance to figure out a way to argue back, “Since you have the day off tomorrow you can borrow my computer and look through all the listing sites to find an apartment. Octavia and I will go to your mom’s to pack enough stuff to last you a few days.”  
Clarke nodded, too tired to make her mouth work. Had she ever been so tired before? Despite the all night study sessions and the sixteen-hour shifts at the ER she didn’t think so. This exhaustion went straight through her, tugging at her bones.  
“And when you find a place, we . . .” she motioned between herself and Octavia, “will take the truck to your mom’s. We’ll pack you up. You stay away from your mom for as long as possible.”  
“Yeah, I’ll get Lincoln and Bell to help, maybe Miller if he doesn’t have work,” Octavia offered and then her eyes lit up so brightly the other two could practically see the proverbial light bulb over her head.  
Before Raven and Clarke could say a word, she grabbed her phone and started typing furiously, a somewhat manic smile on her face.  
“O, what . . .” Raven began but Octavia just held up one finger, silently telling her wait as her phone dinged and her grin widened, almost to Joker –like proportions as Clarke and Raven just looked at each other, completely confused.  
“Okay,” she said finally, putting her phone back down on the table with a bit more force than necessary, “So, I didn’t want to bring this up after everything that’s going on with Clarke but Lincoln asked me to move in with him.”

There was a flurry of shouting and flailing arms as Clarke and Raven hugged Octavia and talked over one another.  
“That’s amazing!”  
“Why didn’t you want to say anything?” Clarke asked, letting go of her friend.  
“Because we’re taking care of you today. We can celebrate this next time” Octavia replied sternly, “But my good news could be good news for you.”  
Clarke stared at her blankly for a moment then, still not getting it, turned to Raven.  
Raven just shook her head, looking as confused as Clarke felt.  
“I’m moving out,” Octavia explained patiently, with the air of someone explaining that one and one made two, “Which means that Bellamy, Miller and Harper will be looking for someone to move in.” She gestured at Clarke, “Someone meaning you.”

Clarke let out a bark of laughter. Octavia couldn’t be serious, her brother hated Clarke, and she hated him right back. She could remember the first time she had met Bellamy, a few days after he and Octavia had moved into town. She could even remember the way her heart had practically jumped at the sight of this gorgeous, gawky fourteen year old that was somehow the older brother of her new best friend. But Bellamy had looked at her, the red-faced mess of an eight year old she had been and sneered in her face. He had called her a spoiled princess and stalked away to wait for Octavia on the other end of the playground, with all the righteous self-importance that only fourteen year olds could have. Clarke had felt her heart break and decided right then that she hated Bellamy Blake.

It had been easier to hate him when they were younger, always explaining it away as boys being jerks or Bellamy being a weird nerd. But it had gotten harder and harder as the years went on. Bellamy had grown into his height, traded in his glasses for contact lenses and, thanks to his two part-time jobs, had lost his baby fat and become a down right muscular, gorgeous man. As if that wasn’t bad enough, Bellamy loved his sister more than anything else and watching him take care of Octavia and protect her with everything he had made a deep distant part of Clarke’s heart beat just a little bit faster. It was that same feeling she had had the first time she had seen him, just hidden under years of carefully cultivated hatred and annoyance.

“Octavia, you can’t be serious.” Clarke said finally, realizing that neither of her friends were laughing with her, instead looking like this could be the solution to her problem.   
“No, okay, I can’t live with Bellamy, there’s no way.”  
“You like Miller and Harper,” Raven offered, and Clarke sent her a glare.

They both knew better than to try and convince her that Bellamy wasn’t that bad. Clarke had made it very clear over the years how she felt about him and she wasn’t the type of person to change long held beliefs in the blink of an eye.

“Yeah, but I barely know them, they’re just Octavia’s roommates that I see at parties sometimes. I definitely don’t know them enough to live with them.”

Raven and Octavia shared an understanding look, one that just made Clarke’s anger, already so close to the surface, come dangerously close to spilling over.  
“No, you guys, I can’t move in with a couple of strangers and Bellamy, I can barely stand seeing him whenever I come over, how am I supposed to share the same space with him and see him every day? No, I’ll figure something else out.”  
She could hear the begging note in her voice and knew the girls could hear it too, but she almost didn’t care.   
Everything she knew had exploded around her and she was a perfect storm of emotions, not knowing where she stood now, what her life would look like now and it terrified her. She always knew what to do, she could follow the rules mapped out in textbooks or by society and everything would turn out alright. But now, all of that was gone, she had no idea what came next and she had never felt more lost.

“Clarke,” Octavia began, her face hardening into her patented ‘take no shit’ expression, the one she reserved for when things got really tough, “It’s not an ideal situation, in fact it’s probably as far from ideal as it can be but you also don’t really have much a choice here.”  
Clarke let out her breath in a huff but Octavia just kept going as if she hadn’t heard her, “I know you like your facts so I’ll lay them down for you. The apartment is gorgeous and well maintained; you’ll get your own room and en-suite bathroom. It’s rent controlled and you’ll be sharing with three other people so you’ll be getting it for a steal. It’s close to the hospital and both me and Raven so if you need to escape from my pain in the ass brother we’re only a few minutes away.”  
“Besides which,” Raven broke in, “The chances of you finding a decent, well-priced place to yourself in a couple weeks are ridiculously small. You’ll probably just end up roommates with a bunch of people who are actual strangers.”

Clarke stayed silent, staring into her wine glass and thinking. They made sense, the apartment was beautiful, it had been in the Blake family for years, first belonging to their grandmother and then passed onto Aurora when she, Bellamy and Octavia had moved into town. The building was close to everything and obsessively cared for by the landlord, making it one of the most spotless and problem free places Clarke had ever been to.   
But despite all that, despite all the sense the girls were making, she couldn’t make herself jump into this decision, there was just too much going on and she could barely catch her breath, let alone make a huge, life-changing decision.

“I know, I just, I can’t . . .” She couldn’t seem to get her mouth to form the words she wanted to say. But the girls seemed to understand, Octavia shaking her head and laying a hand on Clarke’s knee.  
“We get it, Clarke, just think about it. I only told Bellamy that I was moving this morning and when I texted him before he said he hadn’t listed the room yet, so you have time.”  
“Not a lot of it, but some,” Raven added, a smile tugging at her lips.  
“And whatever you decide, we’ll be here and do whatever you need us to do.” Octavia finished as both girls nodded. Clarke smiled, wiping at the fresh tears on her cheeks and covering Octavia’s hand with her own.  
“Can we please watch New Girl now?” She asked, needing all the drama to be over and just spend a fun, dumb night with her best friends.  
“Oh definitely,” Raven answered, settling back down on the sofa and grabbing the remote to find the show.  
“I’ll get the last bottle of wine and the cupcakes,” Octavia offered, jumping to her feet and bounding off to the kitchen.  
“That girl has way too much energy,” Raven mock whispered to Clarke as she settled into her side, resting her head on Raven’s shoulder.  
“Don’t let her hear you say that, she’ll challenge you to an arm wrestle or something and one of you will end up getting hurt.” Clarke counseled, having seen too many of her friends innocent shows of strength turn into all out war.  
There were a few moments of silence as Raven found the show and Octavia came back into the room, bearing cupcakes and wine.  
“Are you doing okay?” Raven asked softly, resting her cheek against Clarke’s head.  
“No,” Clarke replied, taking the cupcake Octavia handed her, “But it’s getting better.”

 

Hours later, after they had pulled out the blankets and pillows, Octavia curled into Clarke’s side on the floor, Raven stretched out above them on the couch, Clarke came to a decision.  
“Hey guys,” she called softly, and, taking their grunts as a prompt, continued, “If Bellamy, Miller and Harper are willing I’ll take Octavia’s old room.”  
“Awesome,” Raven replied, her voice muffled by her pillow.  
“Very cool,” Octavia agreed, giving Clarke a half-hearted thumbs up without opening her eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think, feedback is fantastic but I don't want to peer pressure you too much.


End file.
